When The Candy Was Free
You know what I hate? People who hardly know each other jumping into bed together. I'm not against it for religious reasons. In fact, I'm not even sure what family values are -- but I think they have something to do with the Care Bears. No, it's because of my best friend John T.
Back in the late Seventies, John and I were "writer-producer-directors" for a big public relations firm in San Francisco. And over time we grew to be tight friends. We shared a lot of interests. He was a wonderful photographer and a classically trained pianist. He was gentle and funny and he had a warm heart. Truth is, over the years we worked together I came to love him like a brother.
John and his boy friend Todd were regular dinner guests at our big old house on Seventeenth Avenue and the evening always ended around the piano howling out Beatles songs or Cole Porter ballads or Christmas carols if the season was right. I won't forget the time Patrushka attempted Creme Brulee for dessert, but the melted sugar topping got way too sticky and glued John's mouth shut. The table fell apart from laughter.
John was a pal, and pals are hard to some by and I still miss him. Love is forever.
All because John couldn't pass up a good orgy. He used to regale me with his sexual exploits. I learned a lot about the San Francisco gay community and its bathhouse, gloryhole culture. He once said living in San Francisco was like being a kid in a candy store and all the candy was free.
We used to go on the road together and I was amazed at his ability to spot and meet and pick up a gay cashier or waiter at the hotel - all with a look, a glance. He told me once he had been driving down Highway 101 up in the country somewhere and he had sex with a guy who passed him on the highway. They just exchanged looks and that's all it took. They both pulled over and jumped out and got it on in the field and then jumped back in their little sports cars and off they went. Yahoo! Life in the free candy store.
He laughed about it and I laughed too. I guess I could have gotten all moralistic with him but I never thought of it, and it probably wouldn't have made any difference anyway. That was the way it was in the gay world in San Francisco. Nobody had ever heard of AIDS.
Actually, the word was starting to get around. I remember one bluesky Saturday morning in 1982. We took the kids over to John and Todd's Potrero Hill flat and jumped into their hot tub in the backyard. We had a great time as usual, but underneath I worried. Could AIDS get passed on through water in a hot tub? Should the girls be in here? Looking back, I'm glad I ignored the thought. Those guys weren't long for this world and I'm glad for every moment we had together.
So, the next year I took a job on the east coast and, after that, I only saw John and Todd when I flew back to the City on business. I'd always drop by their flat to see what was up, and John wasn't looking so good. He never would cop to having HIV, but I saw him preparing little vitamin protein supplements to spread on his cracker. We never really got down to what mattered - we'd just talk about business and trade east coast vs west coast work stories and talk about if the multi-image slide show business would survive.
John and Todd usually stayed with us when they were on the east coast and we managed to stay in touch, but less and less. Then one evening Todd called to tell us John was dead. He caught pneumonia and died quite quickly.
The fuck.
John's parents came out from Pittsburgh. I guess the flat was in John's name because they sold it and evicted Todd. They blamed Todd for everything. After a few months, he left the City. There was someone in Long Beach who said he'd take care of him.
God bless those guys. They're both dead now because John couldn't keep it zipped. Why couldn't he just stay home with Todd? Was it really that hard to do? Excuse me, gentle reader. But do you see why I have a personal dislike of promiscuity?
Instead of a dear friend I get to see whenever I go to San Francisco, I just get another stupid fucking grave to put flowers on. I'll just have to miss his sweet smile and gentle ways till I get to heaven. I wouldn't want to go to any heaven that didn't include John T.
So while we're changing the world around here today could we please eliminate AIDS too?
Labels: Gays and Straights, Looking Into The Past, San Francisco
posted by Christopher Newton at 8:50 AM
7 Comments:
Some folks have been asking me if I really meant, "I wouldn't want to go to any heaven that didn't include John T."
Well, I don't like to spell everything out in my writing, but in this case I will.
I believe no such heaven could exist. It's not in God's character. John made a lot of bad judgments, no different than the rest of us do. He also tried his best to bring joy into the world.
A God who would exclude John from his heaven because he refused to sign some Family Values contract could not be the real God. That's my belief.
God is the God of love, and when he separates the sheep from the goats, I believe that John will be in the right flock.
And I KNOW John would not be such as a fool as to turn down a big welcome into heaven based on what he did that was right, not all the stuff he did that was wrong.
So, to me, I was not thumbing my nose at God. I was saying I would not want to be part of some fake heaven where you have to swear allegiance to 99 Theological Principles in order to get in. Maybe I feel that way because I can't understand them myself and I don't want to be left out because I won't sign any contract I can't understand.
Who knows, Ponderer, maybe in the time period between the last time you saw John and the day of his departure, he genuinely repented from sensuousness and was forgiven – just like that! – and was given a new chance to live a life of purity of spirit.
John's desire to bring joy into the world, as you noted, was a noble calling to fulfill.
I don’t think it is God who determines who will or will not enter into his Presence (a.k.a. the kingdom of God or of Heaven), but the individual himself or herself.
As Jesus said, “Behold, the kingdom of God is within you.” This kingdom, as I view things, comes not with observation (like a physical place to live), though, but through a progress of hearing and heeding the urging of God’s righteousness flowing up from “within.”
Following Jesus’ teachings, I believe, even blindly at first, helps us to help ourselves to live this individual maturing-in-the-spirit life God wants for us … and “practice makes perfect,” as the saying goes.
However, “With God, all things are possible,” so please continue to follow your own leadings, not mine.
Sure, we all have some wickedness in us that we may have given in to at times – or often - in the past, but this being the case doesn’t make it okay for others to go and do likewise, not even your friend John.
“Repentance for the forgiveness of sins,” is available for everyone at anytime in their life. Let’s hope that John came to grips with his own behavioral shortcomings while the daylight was still shining upon him.
I appreciate your seeing the goodness in your friend. I could feel your brotherly love for him in your writing.
We can all uplift one another best, I think, by seeing the potential for perfection in others - and continuing to do so.
This is high loving prayer for the humanity we live in.
Signing a "Family Values" contract before entering into heaven - now there's a good one to ponder!
It was Christianity which first painted the devil on the worlds walls; It was Christianity which first brought sin into the world. Belief in the cure which it offered has now been shaken to it's deepest roots; but belief in the sickness which it taught and propagated continues to exists.-Friedrich Nietzsche
How many women do you know that had sex with men died of aids???
Hey guys, thanks for the comments. I was beginning to wonder if this post was of no interest to anyone.
Mickey - I wouldn't bother too much about that guy Nietzsche. His main brief against Christianity was that it got in the way of his Superman, who was to be above law, above morality, always climbing to achieve his true self-fulfillment in the stars or something. If the climb was over the backs of the weak and meek, fine. Nietzsche didn't like democracy or the rule of law either, for the same reason.
He was an interesting guy and had a big influence on the world of 100 years ago. Interestingly enough, his ideas were actually tried out in the Third Reich but met with notable lack of success.
The passage you quote is a good example of his propaganda method, but is patently untrue. For instance, a cursory review of the Old Testament will show you that the concept of sin predates Christianity by several thousand years. And that's just in the Judaeo-Christian tradition.
Oh - I don't understand your question about women and AIDS at all. You'll have to clarify it. Do you want a number?
Gary, I must admit I don't get the "sensuousness" bit. I can see that if you mainly want to get as close to God as you can, as you describe, then anything that is a distraction from that goal needs to be put aside. But, for the ordinary guy (or girl), including the millions and millions who have only the foggiest concept of God, why is uncommitted sex so bad?
When I pick up the Bible to find out what evil looks like, I find things like this (found at random in Isaiah): "They devise wicked devices to ruin the poor with lying words."
That's bad! Those guys deserve to get it!
But if a couple of unmarried, consenting twenty-one year olds, who have no commitment of love at all - get together for pleasure - why is that evil? I just ask the question seeking wisdom.
My dislike of people sleeping around is a personal thing, especially with HIV-AIDS stalking the planet, and perhaps I will try to sort it out on the blog - but why is God so upset about it? Or is he?
Hey Ponderer, I think you are just playing the devil’s advocate with your question of, “Why is uncommitted sex so bad?”
I know you and Patrushka have taken the time to study the Bible quite well in the past – all the pages. I also know you wouldn’t have earned a degree in English Literature if you were a poor reader and could not remember much of what you’ve read after reading it.
With this said I’ll remind you that one of Jesus’ direct orders to his flock of followers was “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness …”
If after you’ve completed this first-of-all spiritual task you still think there is nothing wrong with fornication, and maybe sodomy and adultery too – then you’ll be able to ask the Lord directly – like asking your own mind – for this answer that seems to be eluding you now.
Perhaps you’ll get a different answer from the Lord than I’ve received. If so then go with what you yourself are hearing, not with what someone else thinks is the truth. I figure you will be doing this anyway.
But as I supposed at the start, I think you are just playing at being dumb here!
I think maybe I can respond to your questioning comment a little fuller today, maybe not.
For the person who doesn’t yet know Christ as an aspect of his or her own mind (i.e. His Spirit acting in union with the human spirit) a spiritual reason for not engaging in premarital sex will probably be the same as no reason at all, I would think.
For the person with "only the foggiest concept of God," the threat of acquiring venereal disease or having an unwanted pregnancy will probably be a more meaningful deterrent for them than being told, “God doesn’t want you to do it,” or “The Bible indicates this is displeasing to God.”
A spiritual answer is for spiritually-minded people who love God with all their mind and heart and strength. For them whether an activity is good or bad, divine or evil, high or low is secondary to trying to do what God desires of them simply because this is God’s good will for them. And they have learned that God, who is Love, is also Boss. We can trust His fairness.
For the rest a physical “No Trespassing – Fair Warning!” answer seems to be necessary along with the unpleasantness that comes when caught – like disease, emotional conflicts, financial concerns, anxiety, resentment, depression, etc. – and for some even death.
Therefore I believe it is God’s desire for everyone that men “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness.” Then, with persistence in seeking, we will be able to understand better what the path of righteousness includes.
Jesus sometimes ended his statements with, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” I know you are trying to do your part, Ponderer, in presenting on your Blog what your ears are hearing.
Good answers, Gary. Yet still I ask the question, Why? Why should humans need a deterrent? Why do we assume God thinks that premarital sex is a priori wrong and bound to bring on sorrow and suffering and needs to be deterred?
I ask this seeking wisdom, neither in defense or attack. Seems odd that God would create humans in one way and then expect them to act in quite another way.
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