The Pondering Pig Visits Phoenix
I've returned to my Pigsty in the airy heights above Spokane and find myself wandering around the yard looking for an angry fix...or even a carrot. Don't know why this silly next chapter of The Walrus is taking so long. Maybe it was all that Hi-Jinx! in Phoenix AZ last week.
What a city! The whole town was built last week, except for the suburbs which were built yesterday. Phoenix is like a roach hotel - the people fly in, but they don't fly out again. They just build another town house on the outskirts of town in a development called Quaintsy Cactus and stay on forever. People must make a million dollars a year though, because they're all driving Ferraris. Except for the hoi-polloi, who have to drive Mercedes Benzes.
This is proof global warming must be great. The temperature is 113 degrees all summer long but the skies are full of planes bringing more people who want to lay out by the pool in it while they cut million dollar deals on their iPhones.
Actually, while riding down the freeway with my snout pressed to the glass I noticed a barrio. So maybe there's another side to the city I missed.
Anyway, all rebuttals are accepted. I have to finish the next chapter so I can start on the next chapter. And so on until I get to the part where everybody lives happily ever after (if the story turns out to be a comedy) or dies (if I discover I've written a tragedy). What a life!
So here is my question for all you student ponderers. Since in real life everybody dies at the end, does that mean life is a tragedy? If so, how do you explain cats and dogs?
Photo Credit: PD Photo
Labels: A Panoply of Pondering, Across America
posted by Christopher Newton at 7:47 AM
4 Comments:
Did the sign say 'Access Forbidden To Nuisancy Cats" by any chance? It's working okay for us pigs. 'Nuisancy', by the way, is an adjective describing someone from the city of Nuisance, France. So you needn't take offense. Some cats are so touchy!
Huh! Phoenix, a Roach Hotel! Are you trying to say I'm a roach? Everyone drives Ferraris! Where's mine, I'd like to know? Hmph! And all this nonsense about 113 degrees, it was a very nice 74 degrees when you were here, I seem to recall. Well, I've had it. I'm sending my lawyer for your riches, Pigg! And the mayor, too! But first I'm going to read the next installment of the Walrus!
Now it may not be literally or even statistically true that everyone in Phoenix drives a Ferrari. It may even be true that a the Pondering Pig wouldn't know a Ferrari if it climbed onto his lap and bit him. This is a bit of hoo-haw we in the pondering pig profession refer to as hyperbole. We like to exaggerate a little to produce an effect. In my case, I was hoping to portray the spirit of - how can I put this delicately? - the spirit of gentle, exuberant and forward looking rampant materialism that I saw on every side (except for your little pigsty, of course, which is nice but normal).
People are mad for Phoenix. Me too. The people fly in, but they don't fly out. I just want to wander around your brave new city in wonder and amazement, like in Blade Runner.
I dropped once (you figure out what I dropped) and drove on the freeway around the Phoenix area countryside (someone else was driving) at sunset, and the buttes and mesas or whatever they are BLEW MY MIND against the blazing sky. Bob Marley was singing "One Love" on the tape player, and talk about the heart chakra blooming...wow...
Anyway, that is some beautiful peace of God's earth there, truly amazing.
But the city is really artificial, where's the water coming from, and how long can it last?
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